what is this?

 it has been a couple days since the first post and that day was so overwhelming for me. this semester i had the easiest registration time and everything was easy. it was supposed to be the easiest and everything from now on was supposed to be easy now, one more year until graduation and licensure. Its bee two weeks since the semester started and i already had to drop a religion class that i need to graduate because it conflicted with another. it wasn't supposed to happen it was supposed to be easy. 

Do you ever feel like other people's lives are just easier? Or everything seems to work out for them? and maybe it doesn't they just make it seem like it. But i have this one girl that i lived with for two years and everything, i mean everything worked out for her. she didn't turn in paperwork in time and simply just did not get it done and she started clinical on time. Sometimes i think that my life is bumpy in this way because other people's are bumpy in other ways. but it is still annoying that whatever she complains about, somehow its fixed and its like it never happened. I feel like i always have an issue, there is always something. I can't tell is its fate or just life handing it to me. Sometimes i think of it as someone looking out for me, because if it happened the way it was intended, something bad could've happened. Like if i hit every red light for a while, I think that someone wants me to stop and slow down because there is something that might harm me, or I am missing an accident or crash. Maybe that is looking on the bright side, or its just that i want something to be the cause of the issue and say its not my fault. 

But my mom is on my butt about this class, telling me to email everyone under the sun at the university. But I think that I should wait to see what my advisor says and then go from there. Maybe that is wrong but maybe its not. she just doesn't want me to spend my money on another summer class when I should be able to take it here. 

do you ever feel like you are going to fail? I do. I feel like it more than ever right now. I am almost done with school, and it feels like I cannot get things straight. I'm nervous that I'm going to fail in clinical, I KNOW how to do med calculations, but everytime i get into the test, I blank and make a mistake. So i have to do this. I feel like if i fail, i will be a failure and embarrassment to my family, even though they would never think that. I think it comes from me wanting to know what people think of me and that im a people pleaser! 

oh well! again, i dont know how to end this.